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Note: this blog post was written on my phone as I collapsed on my couch. I highly recommend crashing on a nearby couch while also trying to be productive… you’ll know why by the end of this piece.
Good weather has a definitive impact on our behaviour. The entire city of Toronto took advantage of the spring-like weather with the arrival of March. Though the grass, trees and plants still lay dormant, the humans of the city were in full bloom.
The hurried steps of winter’s haste ground to a halt. Razor-sharp eyes shined and made contact with strangers, not withholding their primal intentions. Cars’ windows and roofs retracted with smiles outbeaming the sun’s warmth.
I joined the citizens of this large city and managed to clear my schedule by cramming everything in before most of the population started their morning coffee. I made my way through the streets, briefly visiting friends and long-neglected shops, and settled in the local art gallery, the Art Gallery of Ontario.
Venturing indoors on such a gorgeous day would have been counterintuitive for most, but in my case, it was necessary due to sheer exhaustion. By exhaustion, I mean actual physical collapse due to being overworked. Temptations such as plenty of seating, access to calories, and an excuse to hide from the boom of the world outside were too powerful to resist.
Making a direct line to the café, I sat with my order and did what I mostly do when a moment of calm arrives – I took in the scenery. All around me, save for the staff, everyone was revelling in their free time. Moments such as these, unfortunately, highlight that it is easier for some to leave their concerns behind than others.
Behind me, an aging artist was complaining about having to work with younger artists to a similarly aged curator. The curator did not get in a word, and the artist’s complaints were not unique to her field of work or that of her generation and those coming after it.
Everyone else was too busy taking selfies while being engrossed in their phones and not the artwork in the building. Tourists bustled in and out, never stopping by a single piece of art for too long, contrasted by gallery veterans who explicitly took pleasure in pausing in front of a painting. Pausing within a foot of the artwork, laying any claim of pleasure to themselves, and making it difficult for others to view the work.
Aching, sore, and fading, it took a colossal amount of effort to break the pastry in front of me with my fork. A heavy body leads to a heavy mind, which in turn leads to a heavy heart. As I bit into the Nanaimo bar, I was transported back to the last moment I allowed myself to partake in the indulgence of normalcy.
The captivating beauty of Autumn in Minnesota
It was October 15th, and I found myself amongst amazing company after one of the best weddings I ever had the pleasure of attending. Far from home in rural Minnesota, my mind was stuck back home. I struggled to enjoy my surroundings due to my thoughts being focused on those in my life who could not enjoy what I was experiencing. Those bedridden or stuck to various forms of life support weighed heavily, and an overwhelming wave of guilt washed over me. I confessed this to the groom as we took in the vista. Also, then the recent outbreak of war in the Middle East broke out and hit its full stride, and the gates holding back all guilt that mirrors survivors’ guilt were broken.
A lesson was learned in that moment, and I was determined not to get lost in the burdens set by work, the concerns of family and friends, or of global conflicts, which I could do nothing about.
On that day, I made a critical mistake. I know plenty of individuals who, like me, need to be slightly busy in order to fully relax. I know that this sounds paradoxical for some of you, but about a fifth of you reading this know exactly what I am talking about. We need to have a slight goal and task in hand to act as the guardrails to keep our anxieties at bay. This does not concern matters of depression or crippling anxiety but a learned behaviour of always being a busybody in order to keep our minds from wandering and problem-solving. My mistake was handing over my camera to my two adorable friends and merely walking. This allowed the noise from the world to rush in. Just the night before we stood by the beautiful lake, I was taking hundreds of photographs of the wedding while backing up and restoring a friend’s failed SD card – we busybodies are just wired differently.
So, as I finished my pastry, which was at once both overpriced yet worth every penny, I brought out my notebook and set forward into the gallery. I searched for works that were interesting and inspiring, and I furiously took notes on technique and the various zeitgeists which encompassed the many works. As a total aside, I felt an overwhelming urge to read the bible, which, as an atheist, I never considered before.
Jacopo Tintoretto’s “Jesus Washing His Disciples’ Feet” c. 1550
I didn’t leave the gallery refreshed, but I was noticeably calmer and happier. My exhaustion had grown into severe pain and dizziness, but that didn’t matter. The day came to a close, and I was enriched because of it.
All because I did what I knew was best for myself.
If you know someone who always has to be busy or productive, do not get in their way – unless they are annoying and not allowing you to relax. Then, expletive them. Otherwise, allow them to flourish, for they will not only shower you with gifts for months to come (I am currently working on a photobook for the bride and groom), but they will also quietly make your environment more hospitable.
PS: Here is a photograph of my friend’s adorable dog, Mimi, as a reward for making it to the end of this piece.
Time of writing, March 2nd, 2024